Pumpkin Plotting: Meet Mortimer

Okay, so I have a bit of a competitive streak...occasionally.

Our apartment complex has a yearly pumpkin carving contest.

I like being creative, so I thought we'd just do it for fun...

...then they said they'd take off up to $100 off rent.


Umm, yes.

Year 1: Mortimer's Day Out

So, being broke the first time around, there was the balance between doing something awesome and doing something as cheaply as possible.

Behold!

Mmmm...pumpkin tastes good.

We got 3rd place!  That's $50 off rent
(I thought we should have gotten 2nd and the awesome Dia de los Muertos themed one should've gotten first...some stupid snake thing won...I'm not bitter.)


And, credit where credit is due.  We were inspired by this:

Mad props, and can't currently find the link for it.

Year 2: Little Mortimers

Again, trying to balance awesome and cost, we caught a church pumpkin patch on the last day and got a few for way less that we could elsewhere.

Huzzah!

There are more...and they're working together!
(Dude, I know, the date is all kinds of messed up...I fixed it later)

We got 3rd place, again! $50 off rent
(I'm fine with this.  A GIANT spider made of several large pumpkins  with a web-wrapped body made of several more large pumpkins won 1st, and something adorable won 2nd.  Estimating the cost of those large pumpkins, we made a net win better than their win...so, HA!)


Year 3: Mortimer is a hardcore vegan

I don't know why, but we got a crazy awesome deal on a huge pumpkin.  Normally we carve the day of and about an hour or so prior, but because I was actually employed this year, it all had to be done the night prior.

He's so creepy...it makes me happy.

I didn't let the picky one set it outside till right before work...I don't want other bitches having time to get awesome inspiration from us and have time to do something about it. (Can you see the competitive side coming out?  My college roomie would be so proud.)

Hardcore vegan...only Mortimer can be a cannibal (see Year 1) and still be vegan.

Place: Alas, we did not place this year.  The winners were more...delicate than Mortimer.  Ah, well.  For participating, got $25 off rent.  Woot!


I think Mortimer will continue to be a feature of future pumpkin carving endeavors, and I'm always a fan of creating tradition.  This one is just a little dark and twisted, but I'm okay with that.

Epic garlic bread

I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty friggin' pleased with myself.

The picky-eater suggested that we get some garlic bread to accompany our butter-roasted chicken and veggies.  I, being stubborn, thought we could do better.  

CHALLEEENGE!

That's a happy oven.

I started prep when the picky-one was en route from work.  This meant that I was moving quickly and forgot to take pictures... but that will be remedied later (I only prepped one-half of the loaf).

Garlic Bread (at least MY garlic bread)

1 halved loaf of French bread
1 stick butter (softened and unsalted--so you can control the salt level)
1/2 bunch fresh parsley (chopped super fine... and get the stems out)
4/5 cloves garlic (minced super fine)
koshar salt (to taste)
rubber spatula (to do the mixing and the spreading)
bowl (to do said mixing in... and with sufficient space to contain everything)

-Essentially, I made a compound-butter and spread it on the bread

-Before making the compound-butter, you need to decide whether you want softer or crustier bread

• Softer--proceed normally
• Crustier--toast the bread first
• I'm not giving guidelines... that's your preference
• bake it till it's done

-To make the compound butter:

• Dump all the parsley and garlic onto the butter in a bowl
• It'll look like WAY too much parsley
• ...actually, it MIGHT BE, for you
• The picky-eater made some disparaging comments
• the bread didn't survive long...
• ...I win.
• Use the spatula to integrate the parsley and garlic with the softened butter
• I find it easiest to kind of fold it together
• You may choose to salt this during the mixing process
• not necessary, but that's your deal

-Half the loaf

• Investing in a long, proper bread knife was a happy decision
• you'll thank me

-Spread the butter onto a halved loaf of French bread

• If you only want half the loaf baked right now, stick the bread in the freezer
• There should also be about half the butter-combo left as well
• you can put this in parchment paper, roll, and secure it before freezing
• we don't have parchment paper, so we stuck it in a baggie
• allow to soften before using for this purpose
• there are other things you can do with it
• No, I'm not in the mood to get into that right now...
• ...I'll get to that later

 -Sprinkle salt over the spread

• Why? 
• It'll hit your tounge faster and allow the need for less salt overall
• Still doubt me?
• Fine, then sprinkle some on the bread before you spread the butter on there

The garlic bread was ready before anything else... (partly because I'm historically impatient)... and I ate the hell out if it.  I couldn't even finish a whole piece of chicken or all my veggies (and that's just not normal).

Oh, yes... you should totally be jealous...
and you should go make some yourself because it's easy...
and delicious

Our gifts aren't subtle either...

A brief story:


As the picky-eater got used to my odd cravings, I became less inhibited with vocalizing those cravings.


One of the more recent ones related to gummy candy.  I think they're wonderful and always enjoy, not only the taste, but the satisfying sensation of biting into one.  Only problem, they're usually super small. 


"I wish I had a gummy the size of a hand-fruit!"


Think about it.  If you agree with the"mouth-feel" comment, this is a no-brainer.  That first bite would be insanely satisfying--oh, but then there's more left to be had!  Huzzah!




This was only a concept for me and did not expect it to go beyond vocalizing the desire for such a thing to exist.


Cut to my birthday--at a friend's house, the picky-eater hands me a package that came in the mail.  It feels like a friggin' brick.  I open it, and it's a 5-pound sour-apple gummy bear (that's right, singular).  I have a look of confusion, excitment, and horror.



Size comparision: 15 lb dog and 5 lb gummy bear
(He's not phased by the things I do anymore)

Yeah, so that first bite was AWESOME! 

...I'm not sure how long the bear will actually last.

Seriously, this would be an epic center-piece to a Willy-Wonka candy party
(Don't lie...you'd go)

...oh, and it's pretty tasty...

...yes, I ate straight off of this

(Where does one find such awesome?)  click here-->  BEAR!!!