Epic garlic bread

I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty friggin' pleased with myself.

The picky-eater suggested that we get some garlic bread to accompany our butter-roasted chicken and veggies.  I, being stubborn, thought we could do better.  

CHALLEEENGE!

That's a happy oven.

I started prep when the picky-one was en route from work.  This meant that I was moving quickly and forgot to take pictures... but that will be remedied later (I only prepped one-half of the loaf).

Garlic Bread (at least MY garlic bread)

1 halved loaf of French bread
1 stick butter (softened and unsalted--so you can control the salt level)
1/2 bunch fresh parsley (chopped super fine... and get the stems out)
4/5 cloves garlic (minced super fine)
koshar salt (to taste)
rubber spatula (to do the mixing and the spreading)
bowl (to do said mixing in... and with sufficient space to contain everything)

-Essentially, I made a compound-butter and spread it on the bread

-Before making the compound-butter, you need to decide whether you want softer or crustier bread

• Softer--proceed normally
• Crustier--toast the bread first
• I'm not giving guidelines... that's your preference
• bake it till it's done

-To make the compound butter:

• Dump all the parsley and garlic onto the butter in a bowl
• It'll look like WAY too much parsley
• ...actually, it MIGHT BE, for you
• The picky-eater made some disparaging comments
• the bread didn't survive long...
• ...I win.
• Use the spatula to integrate the parsley and garlic with the softened butter
• I find it easiest to kind of fold it together
• You may choose to salt this during the mixing process
• not necessary, but that's your deal

-Half the loaf

• Investing in a long, proper bread knife was a happy decision
• you'll thank me

-Spread the butter onto a halved loaf of French bread

• If you only want half the loaf baked right now, stick the bread in the freezer
• There should also be about half the butter-combo left as well
• you can put this in parchment paper, roll, and secure it before freezing
• we don't have parchment paper, so we stuck it in a baggie
• allow to soften before using for this purpose
• there are other things you can do with it
• No, I'm not in the mood to get into that right now...
• ...I'll get to that later

 -Sprinkle salt over the spread

• Why? 
• It'll hit your tounge faster and allow the need for less salt overall
• Still doubt me?
• Fine, then sprinkle some on the bread before you spread the butter on there

The garlic bread was ready before anything else... (partly because I'm historically impatient)... and I ate the hell out if it.  I couldn't even finish a whole piece of chicken or all my veggies (and that's just not normal).

Oh, yes... you should totally be jealous...
and you should go make some yourself because it's easy...
and delicious

Our gifts aren't subtle either...

A brief story:


As the picky-eater got used to my odd cravings, I became less inhibited with vocalizing those cravings.


One of the more recent ones related to gummy candy.  I think they're wonderful and always enjoy, not only the taste, but the satisfying sensation of biting into one.  Only problem, they're usually super small. 


"I wish I had a gummy the size of a hand-fruit!"


Think about it.  If you agree with the"mouth-feel" comment, this is a no-brainer.  That first bite would be insanely satisfying--oh, but then there's more left to be had!  Huzzah!




This was only a concept for me and did not expect it to go beyond vocalizing the desire for such a thing to exist.


Cut to my birthday--at a friend's house, the picky-eater hands me a package that came in the mail.  It feels like a friggin' brick.  I open it, and it's a 5-pound sour-apple gummy bear (that's right, singular).  I have a look of confusion, excitment, and horror.



Size comparision: 15 lb dog and 5 lb gummy bear
(He's not phased by the things I do anymore)

Yeah, so that first bite was AWESOME! 

...I'm not sure how long the bear will actually last.

Seriously, this would be an epic center-piece to a Willy-Wonka candy party
(Don't lie...you'd go)

...oh, and it's pretty tasty...

...yes, I ate straight off of this

(Where does one find such awesome?)  click here-->  BEAR!!!

Oh, by the way, we don't own a microwave: that's right, you can, in fact, survive without a microwave

Yeah, I historically get one of two responses:

• A funny look of skepticisim with a verbal or implied, "Huh?"
• "Oh, yeah!  We haven't had one for years!"
• please remember that I'm in Austin, TX

Why would we subject ourselves to this? 

Honestly, our current kitchen is super f-in' small.


During the apartment search, we learned 2 things about the Austin area:

• It is insanely rare to find a one-bedroom without the bathroom in the bedroom
• (I'm sorry, I don't need friends/family crashing from out of town coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night)
• If you're paying less than $1,000/month, and want to be decently close to the city, you're getting a galley kitchen
• Accept it and move on
• If, freakishly, your experience has been different, don't tell me; it'll just make me sad

We were able to find an apartment with a pretty open layout, bathroom outside of the bedroom, and a look-through in the galley kitchen.  Yay!

 How has this affected our eating habits?

Well, just about all of our formal cooking is on the stove or oven, save for popcorn.  A family friend gave us an air-popper from our registry, and it's wonderful.

The only thing I think I'll have issue with is edamame.  It's been forever since I've had it, but the best way to prepare it at home is in a microwave.

Reheating
It's a bit more labor-intensive.  Depending on what it is, a little water may be needed to help the process, or we use the oven.

For pizza, I prefer reheating in the oven.  I find it can get pretty soggy in the microwave, since the water is what is being affected in there.

And, honestly, I sometimes will eat things cold.  Usually this is because I'm too tired/lazy to put forth more effort, but some things taste good cold.  It's given me a new appreciation for how temperature affects the flavor of foods.  Cold food, for me, isn't nearly as potent as warm, which is also something to remember if you're wanting to make something to serve cold or straight-up freeze.

Unexpected benefits

Yes, there are some benefits to doing this...at least for us.  I really love food, and I married the person who introduced me to butter/ (again, I lived with older folks--it was smart balance and fleischmann's).  So, if we don't keep it in check, we could easily turn into heffers.


Time:

• It's not so easy to just heat something up. 
• I'm forced to think about what the hell I want to eat that I'm willing to put forth effort in making.
• If I've just finished eating, it takes longer to make something else.
• My belly has time to let my brain realize that I'm not actually hungry enough to eat that entire pint of ice-cream

Microwave snacks/meals:

• I often hear people talk about how much sodium/preservatives/(insert other scary, health/figure-threatening thing) there are in pre-packaged foods
• Ha!  I have no means to prepare most of them
• When I heated my lunch up at my internships, my meal took less time
• Usually, my meal had different portions that didn't ALL need to be heated
• I only need 30-45 seconds to reheat my artichoke hearts sauteed with garlic
• I got to avoid the hostile line of hungry folks waiting to shove their meals into the microwave

I'm sure I'll find more spiffy things, but that's all I have the patience for right now.

I don't do well with caffeine

I learned something today, or, rather, I relearned something about myself today.  Caffeine is a son-of-a-bitch.




A brief history of our relationship:


-Being from the NOLA area, many folks love coffee.  As a child, I loved getting the small cups of coffee my aunt would make after meals.  So, when coffee shops became a thing, I went and expected the same awesome.  Fail.  It tasted NOTHING like what I was used to, and it dried my tongue out for at least two days which left me in a foul mood.  F' that.




-I contemplated it, but avoided it mostly in undergrad after one or two unpleasant encounters.


While last minute cramming for an econ test, a friend gave me several RedBulls.  We didn't exactly end up sleeping, and I felt like my heart was tweaking.  I avoided it mostly thereafter.




As the picky-eater quickly learned when we got together, to keep me happy and functioning, I need: sleep, food, and warmth.  Take one of those away and I get grumpy.  Take two of those away, and me no work properly.  In the rare instances when all three are not present--no one needs to be around me.




-At a get-together in Louisiana, I tried to sip coffee again, and it was great! WTF? Finally, it was made clear. Coffee and chicory! Not just plain-whatever-coffee. Cafe' Du Monde, French Market, and Community are the only ones I like.  I'd never sought it out but would occasionally partake at get-togethers.






-Today:
-The picky-eater and I had Bacon Wednesday brunch, and I thought a cafe' au lait sounded delightful.  I made a strong cup and poured it and some hot milk into a mug,... and it almost spilled over.  I wasn't that careful in estimating how much milk--ah, well.  It was transferred into a larger mug.  I added my customary 3 tablespoons of sugar (I know, super horrible--another reason that I don't partake that often).  We started catching up on a great deal of TV we've missed since I started work, and I drank faster than I normally do...


...I'm all shaky right now, and it's not fun.  I need to do something, but I know enough to not do anything super important because it's a crap shoot.  It might feel more efficient, but it's a dirty lie.  It's sad because I finally found the taste from my childhood.


If you can handle caffeine and like a New Orleans-style Coffee and Chicory, here's how to do a cafe' au lait properly.  Seriously, it's super simple.


Cafe' au Lait


Equal parts coffee and hot milk poured into a mug that will actually contain the full amount of liquid.


I will not preach about strength of the coffee--that's your deal. 


For that wedding registry-thing, some friends got us a bodum French press.  I use two scoops of coffee using the scoop that comes with the press.  When I don't suck it down in 15 minutes, this works for me.



I hope you found my pain amusing.

Good day.