Pumpkin Plotting: Meet Mortimer

Okay, so I have a bit of a competitive streak...occasionally.

Our apartment complex has a yearly pumpkin carving contest.

I like being creative, so I thought we'd just do it for fun...

...then they said they'd take off up to $100 off rent.


Umm, yes.

Year 1: Mortimer's Day Out

So, being broke the first time around, there was the balance between doing something awesome and doing something as cheaply as possible.

Behold!

Mmmm...pumpkin tastes good.

We got 3rd place!  That's $50 off rent
(I thought we should have gotten 2nd and the awesome Dia de los Muertos themed one should've gotten first...some stupid snake thing won...I'm not bitter.)


And, credit where credit is due.  We were inspired by this:

Mad props, and can't currently find the link for it.

Year 2: Little Mortimers

Again, trying to balance awesome and cost, we caught a church pumpkin patch on the last day and got a few for way less that we could elsewhere.

Huzzah!

There are more...and they're working together!
(Dude, I know, the date is all kinds of messed up...I fixed it later)

We got 3rd place, again! $50 off rent
(I'm fine with this.  A GIANT spider made of several large pumpkins  with a web-wrapped body made of several more large pumpkins won 1st, and something adorable won 2nd.  Estimating the cost of those large pumpkins, we made a net win better than their win...so, HA!)


Year 3: Mortimer is a hardcore vegan

I don't know why, but we got a crazy awesome deal on a huge pumpkin.  Normally we carve the day of and about an hour or so prior, but because I was actually employed this year, it all had to be done the night prior.

He's so creepy...it makes me happy.

I didn't let the picky one set it outside till right before work...I don't want other bitches having time to get awesome inspiration from us and have time to do something about it. (Can you see the competitive side coming out?  My college roomie would be so proud.)

Hardcore vegan...only Mortimer can be a cannibal (see Year 1) and still be vegan.

Place: Alas, we did not place this year.  The winners were more...delicate than Mortimer.  Ah, well.  For participating, got $25 off rent.  Woot!


I think Mortimer will continue to be a feature of future pumpkin carving endeavors, and I'm always a fan of creating tradition.  This one is just a little dark and twisted, but I'm okay with that.

Epic garlic bread

I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty friggin' pleased with myself.

The picky-eater suggested that we get some garlic bread to accompany our butter-roasted chicken and veggies.  I, being stubborn, thought we could do better.  

CHALLEEENGE!

That's a happy oven.

I started prep when the picky-one was en route from work.  This meant that I was moving quickly and forgot to take pictures... but that will be remedied later (I only prepped one-half of the loaf).

Garlic Bread (at least MY garlic bread)

1 halved loaf of French bread
1 stick butter (softened and unsalted--so you can control the salt level)
1/2 bunch fresh parsley (chopped super fine... and get the stems out)
4/5 cloves garlic (minced super fine)
koshar salt (to taste)
rubber spatula (to do the mixing and the spreading)
bowl (to do said mixing in... and with sufficient space to contain everything)

-Essentially, I made a compound-butter and spread it on the bread

-Before making the compound-butter, you need to decide whether you want softer or crustier bread

• Softer--proceed normally
• Crustier--toast the bread first
• I'm not giving guidelines... that's your preference
• bake it till it's done

-To make the compound butter:

• Dump all the parsley and garlic onto the butter in a bowl
• It'll look like WAY too much parsley
• ...actually, it MIGHT BE, for you
• The picky-eater made some disparaging comments
• the bread didn't survive long...
• ...I win.
• Use the spatula to integrate the parsley and garlic with the softened butter
• I find it easiest to kind of fold it together
• You may choose to salt this during the mixing process
• not necessary, but that's your deal

-Half the loaf

• Investing in a long, proper bread knife was a happy decision
• you'll thank me

-Spread the butter onto a halved loaf of French bread

• If you only want half the loaf baked right now, stick the bread in the freezer
• There should also be about half the butter-combo left as well
• you can put this in parchment paper, roll, and secure it before freezing
• we don't have parchment paper, so we stuck it in a baggie
• allow to soften before using for this purpose
• there are other things you can do with it
• No, I'm not in the mood to get into that right now...
• ...I'll get to that later

 -Sprinkle salt over the spread

• Why? 
• It'll hit your tounge faster and allow the need for less salt overall
• Still doubt me?
• Fine, then sprinkle some on the bread before you spread the butter on there

The garlic bread was ready before anything else... (partly because I'm historically impatient)... and I ate the hell out if it.  I couldn't even finish a whole piece of chicken or all my veggies (and that's just not normal).

Oh, yes... you should totally be jealous...
and you should go make some yourself because it's easy...
and delicious

Our gifts aren't subtle either...

A brief story:


As the picky-eater got used to my odd cravings, I became less inhibited with vocalizing those cravings.


One of the more recent ones related to gummy candy.  I think they're wonderful and always enjoy, not only the taste, but the satisfying sensation of biting into one.  Only problem, they're usually super small. 


"I wish I had a gummy the size of a hand-fruit!"


Think about it.  If you agree with the"mouth-feel" comment, this is a no-brainer.  That first bite would be insanely satisfying--oh, but then there's more left to be had!  Huzzah!




This was only a concept for me and did not expect it to go beyond vocalizing the desire for such a thing to exist.


Cut to my birthday--at a friend's house, the picky-eater hands me a package that came in the mail.  It feels like a friggin' brick.  I open it, and it's a 5-pound sour-apple gummy bear (that's right, singular).  I have a look of confusion, excitment, and horror.



Size comparision: 15 lb dog and 5 lb gummy bear
(He's not phased by the things I do anymore)

Yeah, so that first bite was AWESOME! 

...I'm not sure how long the bear will actually last.

Seriously, this would be an epic center-piece to a Willy-Wonka candy party
(Don't lie...you'd go)

...oh, and it's pretty tasty...

...yes, I ate straight off of this

(Where does one find such awesome?)  click here-->  BEAR!!!

Oh, by the way, we don't own a microwave: that's right, you can, in fact, survive without a microwave

Yeah, I historically get one of two responses:

• A funny look of skepticisim with a verbal or implied, "Huh?"
• "Oh, yeah!  We haven't had one for years!"
• please remember that I'm in Austin, TX

Why would we subject ourselves to this? 

Honestly, our current kitchen is super f-in' small.


During the apartment search, we learned 2 things about the Austin area:

• It is insanely rare to find a one-bedroom without the bathroom in the bedroom
• (I'm sorry, I don't need friends/family crashing from out of town coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night)
• If you're paying less than $1,000/month, and want to be decently close to the city, you're getting a galley kitchen
• Accept it and move on
• If, freakishly, your experience has been different, don't tell me; it'll just make me sad

We were able to find an apartment with a pretty open layout, bathroom outside of the bedroom, and a look-through in the galley kitchen.  Yay!

 How has this affected our eating habits?

Well, just about all of our formal cooking is on the stove or oven, save for popcorn.  A family friend gave us an air-popper from our registry, and it's wonderful.

The only thing I think I'll have issue with is edamame.  It's been forever since I've had it, but the best way to prepare it at home is in a microwave.

Reheating
It's a bit more labor-intensive.  Depending on what it is, a little water may be needed to help the process, or we use the oven.

For pizza, I prefer reheating in the oven.  I find it can get pretty soggy in the microwave, since the water is what is being affected in there.

And, honestly, I sometimes will eat things cold.  Usually this is because I'm too tired/lazy to put forth more effort, but some things taste good cold.  It's given me a new appreciation for how temperature affects the flavor of foods.  Cold food, for me, isn't nearly as potent as warm, which is also something to remember if you're wanting to make something to serve cold or straight-up freeze.

Unexpected benefits

Yes, there are some benefits to doing this...at least for us.  I really love food, and I married the person who introduced me to butter/ (again, I lived with older folks--it was smart balance and fleischmann's).  So, if we don't keep it in check, we could easily turn into heffers.


Time:

• It's not so easy to just heat something up. 
• I'm forced to think about what the hell I want to eat that I'm willing to put forth effort in making.
• If I've just finished eating, it takes longer to make something else.
• My belly has time to let my brain realize that I'm not actually hungry enough to eat that entire pint of ice-cream

Microwave snacks/meals:

• I often hear people talk about how much sodium/preservatives/(insert other scary, health/figure-threatening thing) there are in pre-packaged foods
• Ha!  I have no means to prepare most of them
• When I heated my lunch up at my internships, my meal took less time
• Usually, my meal had different portions that didn't ALL need to be heated
• I only need 30-45 seconds to reheat my artichoke hearts sauteed with garlic
• I got to avoid the hostile line of hungry folks waiting to shove their meals into the microwave

I'm sure I'll find more spiffy things, but that's all I have the patience for right now.

I don't do well with caffeine

I learned something today, or, rather, I relearned something about myself today.  Caffeine is a son-of-a-bitch.




A brief history of our relationship:


-Being from the NOLA area, many folks love coffee.  As a child, I loved getting the small cups of coffee my aunt would make after meals.  So, when coffee shops became a thing, I went and expected the same awesome.  Fail.  It tasted NOTHING like what I was used to, and it dried my tongue out for at least two days which left me in a foul mood.  F' that.




-I contemplated it, but avoided it mostly in undergrad after one or two unpleasant encounters.


While last minute cramming for an econ test, a friend gave me several RedBulls.  We didn't exactly end up sleeping, and I felt like my heart was tweaking.  I avoided it mostly thereafter.




As the picky-eater quickly learned when we got together, to keep me happy and functioning, I need: sleep, food, and warmth.  Take one of those away and I get grumpy.  Take two of those away, and me no work properly.  In the rare instances when all three are not present--no one needs to be around me.




-At a get-together in Louisiana, I tried to sip coffee again, and it was great! WTF? Finally, it was made clear. Coffee and chicory! Not just plain-whatever-coffee. Cafe' Du Monde, French Market, and Community are the only ones I like.  I'd never sought it out but would occasionally partake at get-togethers.






-Today:
-The picky-eater and I had Bacon Wednesday brunch, and I thought a cafe' au lait sounded delightful.  I made a strong cup and poured it and some hot milk into a mug,... and it almost spilled over.  I wasn't that careful in estimating how much milk--ah, well.  It was transferred into a larger mug.  I added my customary 3 tablespoons of sugar (I know, super horrible--another reason that I don't partake that often).  We started catching up on a great deal of TV we've missed since I started work, and I drank faster than I normally do...


...I'm all shaky right now, and it's not fun.  I need to do something, but I know enough to not do anything super important because it's a crap shoot.  It might feel more efficient, but it's a dirty lie.  It's sad because I finally found the taste from my childhood.


If you can handle caffeine and like a New Orleans-style Coffee and Chicory, here's how to do a cafe' au lait properly.  Seriously, it's super simple.


Cafe' au Lait


Equal parts coffee and hot milk poured into a mug that will actually contain the full amount of liquid.


I will not preach about strength of the coffee--that's your deal. 


For that wedding registry-thing, some friends got us a bodum French press.  I use two scoops of coffee using the scoop that comes with the press.  When I don't suck it down in 15 minutes, this works for me.



I hope you found my pain amusing.

Good day.

First Meal of the New Year: a solid start

Souffleed omelette with sauteed shallots and a homemade strawberry-banana-blackberry smoothie

It sounds way harder than it is.  Oh, I should mention that I was too excited to take pictures--my bad.  I'll make it again and post later.

My morning... and by morning, I mean a brunch kind of morning:

It was friggin' cold outside and in the apartment, so I took much longer to crawl out of bed than normal.

The dogs weren't moving, so they were no help.  I was supposed to have an earlier brunch with some friends, but that was postponed till people recovered from celebrating.

As a small, symbolic gesture of what I'd like to continue in the new year, I actually got formally dressed and made myself look presentable.  On a normal day, I would still be in slippers, a robe, and lounge shorts/pants.

I was needing to eat a little something and didn't want to think too much, so I picked two things I've made in the past that are pretty darn easy.

A souffleed omelette and a smoothie.


Smoothie:

The smoothie contents will vary based on what I actually have, but we picked up a giant bag of frozen strawberries from the store, and I had some left-over blackberries that I froze from a little ways back.

I don't have specific proportions, but I've found what works for me

1 Banana (frozen is preferred, but not necessary)
Oat flour*
Frozen fruit (I've only tried berries so far)
Milk
(Yogurt--if you have it/like it.  I did not have it.)

*(Why the hell are you using that?  Well, I like the idea of having some grain in my diet, and it helps thicken it some.)

Blender (ideally with a removable center in the lid)

• put banana, oat flour, and fruit (strawberries and blackberries) into blender
• I recommend adding any powder ingredients prior to milk and/or yogurt 
• add in enough milk for the other ingredients to mix 
• pulse on puree or crush ice 
• turn on mix and determine how thick you want the smoothie to be
• while on, take out the center of the lid and add additional milk till you achieve the consistency you prefer
• pour into a cup/glass/whatever
• for excess (which I make purposefully), I put it in small pyrex containers and freeze them as a cheap dessert for later or a no-fix breakfast
• set in fridge till you're done with whatever else you're fixing
• IF you're going to drink it pretty soon
• it might get a little thin, if left in the fridge too long

Souffled Omelette:

Okay, it is a little more involved than a regular one, but I prefer it to regular omelettes.

I first learned about this from Laura Calder on French Cooking at Home.  She added spinach, but I was just not feeling that.

The filling can be whatever you feel like, but shallots make me happy.


2-3 Fresh* Eggs
(separated into two medium bowls)
2 to 2 1/2 Tbsp butter
1 Shallot, minced
Salt

*You can tell a fresh egg is fresh by how well it stays together when cracked onto a flat surface and how high the yolk sits.  The closer and higher, the fresher the egg.

10-inch non-stick skillet
Fitting lid

Another pan to saute the shallots in

Large whisk
Small whisk (or another whisk, I think the smaller one makes life easier)

• Saute shallots
• set aside and cover
• Beat the whites
• to medium peaks
• Season the yolks
• Beat the yolks
• over heat until lightened in color and sticky
• over simmering water is recommended, but not necessary
• I was lazy and impatient, so I didn't do this today
• Stir in a little of the whites into the yolks
• Fold the whites into the yolks
• Pour into a heated skillet with melted butter
• medium high
• Cover with lid
• I prefer a glass lid, so I can see what's going on
• When semi-set on top
• scatter shallots across top
• Cover again till gently set and browned on bottom
• Slid half-way onto a plate and fold over
• Enjoy!

I hope you have a wonderful new year.

Oh, and I have recently started a job (yay, paying bills!), and I'm not sure how often I'll be on here.  I intend on continuing this, though.